my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
