What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
