i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Let's paint friendship bongs
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
