eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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