Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize