sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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