She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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