Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
