trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
