apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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