peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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