She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
