May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
