dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
