my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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