His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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