i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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