i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
