Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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