He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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