took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
