Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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