He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize