Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I could fuck to npr.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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