So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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