I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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