my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
