were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
