For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
