Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
