with your own penis?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
