Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
