So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize