3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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