I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
