We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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