Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
