that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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