Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
