I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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