i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
