I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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