Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
