I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
