Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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