is your mom at the bar?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
