I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
