Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
