Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
