if you like me you must not know who I am
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize