the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
