just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize