I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
