Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
