mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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