MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
