NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Send help, water and tortillas.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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