Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
