If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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