A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you win again, gameday.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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