I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
