apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
