The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize