dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
