I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
