Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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