Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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