I don't usually arrange sex via text message
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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