Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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