the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
