Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
