We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
