Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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