I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
