Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
