Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
