Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
