did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize