Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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