I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
