Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
