im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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