It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
