i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
