why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
