I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
