Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize