you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
