This is not my ceiling
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
