Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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