If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
