All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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